Easy Limeade

  1. Squeeze the juice of half a fresh organic locally grown lime or use one tablespoon of shit lime juice from the grocery bottle of pasteurized lime juice (deemed not as good as adjectivated by the word “shit” but you can still get lime flavor if you go down this road but you should always prefer a corpse in hand whether it be fruit, vegetable, protein. Less pre-process is more better for your body…like walking barefoot. I digress.).
  2. BTW, squeeze or pour the lime juice into a glass. This pasteurization diatribe is relevant to a single serving. Sorry, not party dose tonight.
  3. Tablespoon of honey
  4. Two drops of vanilla extract or grind up some delicious vanilla beans. Actually split open the vanilla pod with a razor and scrape out the oily beans inside. They are amazing. Make a unicorn. Fly away.
  5. Mix up the lime juice, honey, vanilla with a tiny little whisk that only pretentious people pretending to be mixologists possess.
  6. Fill to the brim with soda water AKA fizzy water AKA this soda doesn’t have any flavor AKA diabeties-free soda
  7. Write a blog post about it
  8. Enjoy

Holiday Oats

  • 1 cup quick oats
  • 2 cups almond milk
  • 1 Bartlett pear
  • ginger
  • cinnamon

Cube pear. Add almond milk and 2 slivers of fresh ginger using a peeler into saucepan. Bring almond milk to simmer over medium-low heat. Stir in oats and cubed pear, stirring occasionally. Simmer for 2 min. Stir in cinnamon. Serve hot. Makes 2 servings.

Crabacon Mango Salad

  • 1 package artificial crab meat (flake style works best)
  • 3 strips of cooked turkey bacon, chop up
  • 1/2 bunch of cilantro, fine chop
  • 1/2 mango, dice
  • 1/4 juicy lime squeezed juice (1/2 or whole lime if is a dry one)
  • 3 tbsp olive oil mayo

Mix that up in a mix bowl, salt and pepper to taste. Serve on toasted whole grain English muffin or sandwich thin.