Mint Julio

  • 1 jigger St. Germaine elderflower liquor
  • 3 jiggers tequila repisado
  • 1/2 lemon
  • 1 tsp honey
  • Fizzy water
  • 3 mint leaves

Crush the mint in shaker with muddler. Add liquor, lemon, honey. Stir to dissolve the honey before adding ice. Ice. Shake. Pour over a couple cubes, top with fizzy water. Garnish with a sprig of mint.

Apples and Sausage


  • Your trusty (and sharp!) chef knife
  • Large bowl
  • Big shallow saucepan or big sauté pan
  • Tongs or a big spoon
  • Tbsp and tsp for measuring or you can eyeball it if you’re sassy


Makes 2 servings:

  • 1 red onion
  • 1 red apple
  • 2 cups arugula
  • 3 sausages (weisswurst or bratwurst preferred)
  • 3 tbsp apple cider vinegar
  • 3 tbsp red wine
  • 3 tbsp olive oil
  • 1 tbsp butter
  • 2 tsp coriander powder
  • 1 tsp Garam Masala spice
  • 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper powder
  • Salt and pepper to taste


Slice and marinate the onions

  • Thinly slice the onion and put into a bowl large enough to mix and flip the onions.
  • Add 2 tbsp apple cider vinegar to the bowl.
  • Add 2 tbsp red wine to the bowl.
  • Mix the liquid into the onions so they are thoroughly coated. Add more vinegar and wine if needed.
  • Add a couple shakes of the shakers or turns of the mills: salt and pepper to the bowl.

Let the onions marinate for about 10 minutes, mixing every 3 minutes so they are well-coated and evenly marinated. Putting some cling-wrap on the bowl and doing a sauté flip is easy and fun. If you have power-up magic sauté skills or you’re a slob and DGAF if marinade goes everywhere, you can skip the cling-wrap. Or if a sauté flip is too scary, you can just use a spoon or tongs to mix the onions.

Finish the prep

While the onions are marinating, heat up the pan on medium heat and add 1 tbsp olive oil. Keep in mind: 1 onion, 1 apple, and 3 sausages are going in the pan; make sure it’s big enough.

Don’t forget to mix the marinating onions.

Slice up the apple.

Don’t forget to mix the marinating onions.

Slice up the sausage to bite-size chunks relative to the size of your mouth-hole.


Onions go in first:

  • Add the onions to the pan: sizzle!
  • Use a big spoon or tongs to spread them around so they’re cooking evenly.
  • Add 1 tsp coriander powder to the pan.
  • Add 1/2 tsp Garam Masala spice.
  • Mix it around in the pan so it’s evenly distributed.
  • If the vinegar/wine cooks off after a few minutes, add some more. If you don’t want it to be too sour, you can substitute water instead. Just make sure the onions don’t get dried out and burn!
  • Let the onions cook until they start to get soft, about 3 or 4 minutes.

Apples go in next:

  • Add the apples to the pan.
  • Add 1tsp coriander powder.
  • Add 1/2 tsp Garam Masala spice.
  • Add 1 tbsp butter.
  • Mix it all up with a big spoon or tongs so everything is evenly coated with the butter goodness.
  • Let the apples cook until they start to get soft, about 4 or 5 minutes.
  • It should be oily enough with the olive oil and the butter to not dry out too much. But if it does, add a bit of water to keep it from getting dried out and burning.
  • Add a few twists or shakes of salt and pepper how you like it.

Finally protein!

  • Add the sausage.
  • By now the onions should be pretty well-caramelized and developing a sweet flavor.
  • Add 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper powder
  • If you have raw pork sausages, you’ll want to cook until they are no longer raw. If you cut them into bite-size pieces this should only take about 8 minutes or so.
  • If you have pre-cooked sausages, you can just put them in the pan until they are warmed through: about 4 minutes.
  • Stir the pan every couple minutes while the sausages are warming up so everything cooks evenly.
  • If the apples and sausage don’t already have a golden brown caramelized crust on the edges, you can turn up the heat to medium-high and continue cooking until they do: about 4 or 5 more minutes.

Serve and eat :)

Add about 1 cup arugula to each of the two plates and drizzle with 1 tbsp olive oil each. Add the sausage and apples and onions from the pan onto the bed of arugula. Hope you enjoy!

Cinco de Drinko Rumchata


  • 1 part spiced rum (Captain Morgan)
  • 1 part white rum (Bacardi)
  • 1 part amaretto (Disaronno)
  • 4 parts rice milk
  • 2 dashes of ground cinnamon

Mix it all up in a shaker with a few ice cubes. Pour. Enjoy.

Goes great with Mexican food but also delightful as a Xmas cocktail.

Easy Limeade

  1. Squeeze the juice of half a fresh organic locally grown lime or use one tablespoon of shit lime juice from the grocery bottle of pasteurized lime juice (deemed not as good as adjectivated by the word “shit” but you can still get lime flavor if you go down this road but you should always prefer a corpse in hand whether it be fruit, vegetable, protein. Less pre-process is more better for your body…like walking barefoot. I digress.).
  2. BTW, squeeze or pour the lime juice into a glass. This pasteurization diatribe is relevant to a single serving. Sorry, not party dose tonight.
  3. Tablespoon of honey
  4. Two drops of vanilla extract or grind up some delicious vanilla beans. Actually split open the vanilla pod with a razor and scrape out the oily beans inside. They are amazing. Make a unicorn. Fly away.
  5. Mix up the lime juice, honey, vanilla with a tiny little whisk that only pretentious people pretending to be mixologists possess.
  6. Fill to the brim with soda water AKA fizzy water AKA this soda doesn’t have any flavor AKA diabeties-free soda
  7. Write a blog post about it
  8. Enjoy